Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message Bible)

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

***sick of this diet***

Yesterday will just have to be counted as a skip day. It wasn't meant to be that...but we ended up eating out for lunch AND dinner yesterday and while we made healthy choices...(Red Lobster--fresh salmon and tilapia with veggies and salad and Subway)...we didn't get a work out in and we snacked late at night. Bad, bad!
I don't know what's going on in my head...except that I am definitely feeling un-motivated. Not necessarily a lack of energy as much as a lack of drive. It's so NOT like me to feel like this--and I HATE it. I hope maybe it's just a temporary "funk" and by Monday at the latest---it better be gone.
As I mentioned in my last post, yesterday was my big "annual" exam day...and I was really anxious about what I was going to weigh on their scale. Well....it was 139. Not great....like 137 would have been...but not awful like the 140's would have been. Of all things though...my 'visitor' arrived early yesterday morning. Just want you want when you're going in for that exam. (NOT!!) Maybe it's that coupled with the fact that I can't seem to get rested up that is making me feel like this, I don't know...but I wish it would hurry up and get out of my system.
And as a side note:
You wanna hear something really ridiculous?? This is how demented my mind is regarding weight and food:
Yesterday while sitting in the waiting room at the dr. office I had ample time to read a magazine (the dr. had to run and deliver a baby at the exact time my appt. was for...so I was there for about 2 hours!!) Anyway, I read an article about eating disorders and how there is a new trend among young mothers developing eating disorders. Anyway...of course...they tell you all the horrible things that eating disorders do to your body and I already know all of that. But after reading that article, this is what I was left thinking, "Man, if I really wanted to lose this weight bad enough, I would do that. I am obviously not determined enough or else I could be anorexic too and lose this weight. Those girls are better than me." Now, I know...that is totally WRONG thinking...and I have all the reasons why the way I am losing weight is a million times better than becomeing anorexic...but still, I can't seem to get those kinds of thoughts out of my head. To me, that is just proof that my battle is not just physical...it's also psychological. Don't ya'll think? I mean...who wishes they were "strong enough" to be anorexic? How STUPID is that?

2 comments:

Miss Got Wings said...

believe me - I've had those thoughts too, sick as they may seem. And I often wonder sometimes just how to get back to the times when I was starving myself and it felt good to be hungry - sick, huh? But yo are right about one thing - the battle is more psychological than physical. Our bodies are strong - can do prettty much anything we ask of them, yet it is our brains that hold us back from success (or lead us towards it). It's all about how worth it a healthy body is to our brains and how much our brains are willing to do. Our body is just there too follow. I hope you get out of your funk soon - that time of the month bums me out on being healthy too. Stick to it girlie!

Candy said...

Well, lets see you had a skip day and I had a skip week. Isn't that crazy, well it is better than a missed day or week...

As far as your title "sick of this diet" You really need to find something that you can do that you don't become sick of, because really we are to alter our eating for life. You can't just go back to eating fast food and not so healthy things or you won't keep the healthy, thinner lifestyle that you are trying to acquire.