okay so I'm going off on a rant right now...indulge me.
I just realized something about myself. It's no big "ah ha" moment ...but this morning I posted a picture of myself on face book. It wasn't a good picture. It was a "right now" picture...meaning it was straight from bed. All I'd done is brushed my teeth and peed. No make up, no hair brush and still in my nightgown. Blah. I was showing everyone the "real" me. Instead of people laughing or poking fun at me...everyone was saying things like "gorgeous" and "beautiful" and "pretty"...to which my mouth just hung open.
If I could use some words to describe that picture, I would have said "messy, frumpy, undone". No, I didn't think it was a horrible picture, but I certainly didn't think "gorgeous".
So I started thinking about it...and something dawned on me...and as stupid as this is...I seriously think it.
When people say I'm pretty, I think to myself "if that were true, why didn't anyone ask me to senior prom?" "Why didn't but one guy in my entire high school ever ask me out?" "why did I always feel sorry for the guys I dated, because I always knew they could do so much better"
How RIDICULOUS is that?
Why am I like this? Weird.
I guess I'd rather have a skewed view of myself this way than to think I'm "all that and a bag of chips". :o) Being cocky is definitely NOT attractive.
I guess the thing that maybe makes me so different now than when I was in high school is a huge change in my confidence. Back then I was like a wounded, scared-to-death little puppy dog following everyone else and afraid to EVER have ANY attention on me.
Now I'm comfortable with who I am, how I look and what I have to offer people. I know that THROUGH CHRIST, I can do anything and I refuse to let fear, pride, embarrassment or shame rob me of any of life's pleasures or experiences.
okay...don't really know where all that came from or why in the world I posted it....:o) Maybe some of you needed to read it...!?!?
4 years ago
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3 comments:
Great post! I often remember myself as the "and them" of the popular crowd in HS. Not good enough to be noticed or called by name...not excluded enough to have to eat lunch alone.. After high school when I went to college I realized that I was never an "and them". I was Ashley and I was proud of who I was, faults and failures included. Because who I was? Was a person that wanted to reflect Christ through my actions and life and run the race set before with endurance, heart, convictions. God didn't create "And thems"...He created beautiful individuals with destinies and uniquely beautiful personalities!
Yep - glad i came over to read this! Exactly what I needed. I am totally one of the people who still struggles w/ confidence and finding my place in this world. And I really think that those issues would still be here even when I'm down at my goal weight. It's not the weight that is the 'issue'. I know we need to "be the change that we want to see in the world." ANd I need to stop worrying so much about what everyone thinks of me . . . because in all honestly, that is SO SELFISH. I need to focus on how I make others feel and my natural self with then emanate. Thanks for posting this, my friend - I needed the wake up call!
I think maybe u answered your question yourself, maybe people weren't aware of you and asking you out because you were hiding (maybe in the way u carried yourself, or spoke, or lack of eye contact, or dress). But if someone wants to 'hide' they usually do a pretty good job of it and people pick up on that and shy away from that person. Its like if the wall is up, why bother trying to climb it? Even though the person on the other side may be amazing and you'll never know unless u do try to break through. But let's face it in h.s. if something is a little difficutlt (getting through to someone who is trying to hide and non-confident), its easier for kids to play with and hang out with the kids who ARE outgoing and friendly. Doesn't make it right, its just easier and takes less effort so I think that's why it happens.
ps. I think u are beautiful ALL the time!
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