okay so I'm going off on a rant right now...indulge me.
I just realized something about myself. It's no big "ah ha" moment ...but this morning I posted a picture of myself on face book. It wasn't a good picture. It was a "right now" picture...meaning it was straight from bed. All I'd done is brushed my teeth and peed. No make up, no hair brush and still in my nightgown. Blah. I was showing everyone the "real" me. Instead of people laughing or poking fun at me...everyone was saying things like "gorgeous" and "beautiful" and "pretty"...to which my mouth just hung open.
If I could use some words to describe that picture, I would have said "messy, frumpy, undone". No, I didn't think it was a horrible picture, but I certainly didn't think "gorgeous".
So I started thinking about it...and something dawned on me...and as stupid as this is...I seriously think it.
When people say I'm pretty, I think to myself "if that were true, why didn't anyone ask me to senior prom?" "Why didn't but one guy in my entire high school ever ask me out?" "why did I always feel sorry for the guys I dated, because I always knew they could do so much better"
How RIDICULOUS is that?
Why am I like this? Weird.
I guess I'd rather have a skewed view of myself this way than to think I'm "all that and a bag of chips". :o) Being cocky is definitely NOT attractive.
I guess the thing that maybe makes me so different now than when I was in high school is a huge change in my confidence. Back then I was like a wounded, scared-to-death little puppy dog following everyone else and afraid to EVER have ANY attention on me.
Now I'm comfortable with who I am, how I look and what I have to offer people. I know that THROUGH CHRIST, I can do anything and I refuse to let fear, pride, embarrassment or shame rob me of any of life's pleasures or experiences.
okay...don't really know where all that came from or why in the world I posted it....:o) Maybe some of you needed to read it...!?!?