Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message Bible)

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Whadda you want from me?

Have you heard that song out by Adam Lambert where he says "What do you want from me?"

Well...that's what I was singing to my body today (literally) as I stood in front of the mirror waiting for the shower water to get warm. I work out as much as my body will allow me to and eat pretty healthfully--yet I see all kinds of grooooooossssss things in the mirror. It makes me very frustrated.
I know...(Rene, Lori, KC, Kate...i know what ur thinking! :o)
I should be grateful for a healthy, fit body and I have a lot to be thankful for--AND I AM...but I just wonder, what does my body want me to do before it will LET GO of all the excess blubber around my thighs, core and arms?
I watch the girls in the Insanity videos. Not one of them has the jiggly skin in those areas that I do. Maybe none of them have had kids? Maybe none of them were ever overweight? I don't know.
Not only the in the Insanity videos..but even at the gym when some of the girls (who I know are moms) take off their shirts and work out in their sports jiggle-jiggle.
I know in proper perspective, I am just being a whiny baby about non-important details...but I work so hard and it would really be nice to SOMEDAY be able to not disgust myself when I am naked in front of the mirror.
Reminds me of one of my most horrible childhood memories....I was about 11 and I went away to summer camp for a week. I was chubby and very uncoordinated and self-concious. I had no self-esteem whatsoever. When a group of kids found out that my last name was Zigler...they started calling me Jennifer Jiggler for the rest of the week. (that was around the time that Bill Cosby was promoting Jello Jigglers on TV). Anyway, maybe those things really do scar us for life because I have to admit, when I watch myself do intense workouts like Insanity in front of the mirror...I still call myself Jennifer Jiggler.
How sad, huh?
It's ridiculous. I am not that girl anymore on the inside.
Aaaaaaanyway...I really don't know why I just posted all that on here. I guess it's whats going through my mind at the moment.
In other "news" I did my Day 3 of Insanity yesterday Cardio Power & Resistance and Day 4 today Cardio Recovery in addition to teaching step class at the gym, doing a 45 minute Interval class and a quick run on the treadmill.
One thing is for the end of this 60 days of Insanity, I KNOW that I will be better than I am now! I can't wait to get finished and see (and show you) the results!
Thank you all for always encouraging me! I feel really guilty sometimes admitting that I have these sorts of thoughts about myself because I am supposed to be the coach...the one telling you not to be so self-critical and to be happy with how far you've come, etc....and then look at me...not doing it myself. ugh!
:o) I'm so crazy sometimes!


Amy said...

Oh, Jen! I hate to hear this! But it also reminds me that I am not the only one who thinks things like that. I'm so hard on myself! I can never just look in the mirror and be happy with how I matter how much I weigh. Right now (after two babies) I am about oh, 40 pounds heavier than my driver's license says I am. FORTY! That's a LOT! And yes, I just had 2 babies fairly close together but Audrey is coming up on a year old! I need to quit using that as an excuse and get busy!

I've known you for a LONG time. I have always thought you were beautiful no matter how much you weighed or how much you worked out (or didn't). You are a smokin' hot mama! I'm sad to see you feeling so down about yourself! Girl, that's the devil talkin' to ya you know! You are gorgeous! I love you!

Amy said...

P.S. I never called you that. And it's a good thing I never heard them calling you that. The only fights I've ever been in have been because someone was picking on someone I loved. I am SO not a fighter but I would have fought for you, my friend! They were probably just jealous because they were flat chested and wanted to look hot like you. :)

Traci said...

Hi... you don't know me and I can't even remember how I found you blog, (I promise i am not creepy! :)) anyway.. i have been doing Insanity for two weeks now.... loving it and hating it.:) But I love looking at your blog and seeing how you are doing. I'm so impressed that you are doing this on your own at home. I am doing it with a group because if i were doing it at home i would have quit a long time ago! It truly is INSANE!!:)

Anyway.. I totally understand about looking in the mirror and being so disgusted.... it is so discouraging, especially when you have been working your butt off. ughh!!!! but we are always hardest on ourselves...

i hope tomorrow is a "skinny" day for you! :)

keep up the good work.


Alissa said...

Okay, first, I have not been able to get that song out of my head for a week! I guess they play it just as much where you live and where I live!

Second, I think it's great that you wrote all that down! It might seem kinda weird at first to put all that in your blog, like it's personal or something, but I'm sure a lot of that is on your mind all the time. It might be an unconscious self-sabotage kind of thing. I have always self sabotaged because I just had it in my head that I was meant to be the size I am and that's it. I just figured, I'm tall, I'm bigger but still thin, so that's it. All that may be true, it may not be. In any case, we all do it! The only thing that has worked for me has been tracking my calories in and out to make sure I eat enough but not too much. hopefully that'll be come natural for me eventually. You're working so hard so I'm sure you'll get some results from this round!

SERIOUSLY, I cannot wait to do Insanity and P90X again! 3 more weeks!

SugarberrySensations said...

Jen, Jen, Jen!

Ok, first of all, I'm so sorry that you are down and discouraged for the time being. But Jen, do NOT be sorry for sharing this with us all - this makes you a better coach. This way we know you are real, you are just like us! All of these thoughts sound like the thoughts we have had! I kid you not! I often wonder how people who are Mom's have these bodies that don't jiggle, or perfectly flat bellies and skinny waists! It's a mystery, but then we also need to remember that when they look in the mirror, they see things that we don't see. Just like with us, we are so incredibly critical of ourselves, we see things others just don't see! Truly!
You are so incredibly BEAUTIFUL inside and out, I don't want you feeling this way! Ok?! =) There - the boss has spoken!

I hate that those kids said that to you at camp - kids are and can be so incredibly cruel. But I can't believe your name was Zigler. Do you know what mine was? Zeiler! We were both Z's! Too funny!

There was more I wanted to say, but I can't remember now!


Rene' said...

what a horrible childhood experience. Brooklyn doesn't read your blog, right? I know u were in a funk when u were complaining, but all I could think was how when we talk like that it affects young girls and their images of healthy bodies. So sad that our society has come to this point that it seems so hard for a woman to be happy with her body. no good.

on brighter note, glad to hear u are seeing progress and that is making u happier :)

Jen said...

Brooklyn definitely does NOT read either of my blogs. She has no interest in hearing what I ramble about. I know...I've tried to get her to look at them before and she has NO interest. She doesn't even know how to get on the computer without our help.