So, I'm still learning and figuring this whole thing out, but one thing I know is that the whole weightloss/eating issue is clouding my mind WAY too much. I want my total focus to be on God and I want Him to use me anywhere/anytime/anyhow. In short...I wanna be ALL IN.
But, I've realized that I can't be completely available to Him when I have a hundred thoughts running through my mind all the time about "too fat" "burn calories" "can't fit into that" "need to work out" "shouldn't eat that" "ate too much" "exercise more"....blah, blah, blah. It's all-consuming a lot of the time and it's spilling over onto my daughter. When she had her tonsils out, she was unable to eat solids for about a week...and she was SO excited (like way too excited) to see that she'd lost several pounds. Because there is a scale in the house, she weighs herself very often and complains about "looking fat" in certain clothes. I never ever ever wanted that to happen with her...and yet, how stupid for me to think that it wouldn't. Children imitate what they see...and even though I THOUGHT I was hiding this "dark side" of me from her....it was impossible to keep completely hidden. She's only 9. :(
Plus, there were parts I DIDN'T want to hide...like the times when I eat very healthy and exercise regularly. Those are things I wanted her to see and imitate.
Anyway, it's still a bit of a jumbled up mess in my mind and I'm not 100% sure of how I'm going to "fix this" but I do know that I have GOT to start viewing my eating and working out as things I do "as unto the Lord." I MUST renew my mind daily with the Word. I eat healthy because God gave me this body, He dwells within me and He desires for me to take good care of it. I honor Him and bring glory to him by feeding it food that is wholesome, healthy and fuel for it to use. Likewise, when I exercise, I need to be focused on a goal of being fit and healthy and a valuable resourse to Him......rather than how "ripped" I can look to all the other people working out in the gym. If my focus is on getting compliments from other people and wanting to be "more sculpted than that girl", then my focus is not on God and bringing Him glory.
Having my focus on God will also keep me from slacking...AS WELL AS...from going over-board. God's way is perfect. It is balanced. It is not too much and it is not too little. God's way is going to be my way.
Proverbs 16 says (and I'm paraphrasing) "A man plans his way...but God makes the final decision". So, I will still "plan my way" but now God will be the final authority. I will compare my progress against his Word...not against the unrealistic women in my fitness magazines or the gym instructors that look better/tiny-ier/more muscled up than me. No, I only have one standard with which to compare myself...and that is what God outlines in his Word. A healthy strong body that is fully and completely submitted to Him.
So...all that being said...I did P90X Day 31 today. (took a week off due to being sick and getting some of this stuff figured out) but I'm back in the swing of it and intend to finish this round of P90X.
It was Chest, Shoulders & Triceps today and Ab Ripper. It was TOUGH, but thinking about God and honoring him with my effort was a total energy boost. I certainly haven't "achieved" or figured this all out (by ANY MEANS) but I do know that I am on the right track. And it feels good. Very good!